In his book, "Spiritual Pain", Doug Hiza talks about the importance of AGENDAS when we are offering
pastoral care to another person. He says, "We must always focus on the agenda of the (other person) -
not our own hidden agenda."

It reminded me of a visit made to me in hospital many years ago by a well meaning lady from one ot'
the local Christian churches. In the long bare dormitory ward I had no choice about her visit to me and
every word could be overheard by the 20 or so other patients. I must have appeared very ungrateful,
and offended by my lack of response, I was told that I was selfish and that it was no wonder I was ill!
I was proclaimed sinful and in need of forgiveness. Although this may well have been true, I was feeling
very vulnerable and already overburdened with feelings of guilt. Her words had a profoundly
distressing effect on me and still re-visit me (25 years later) when I feel low.
Maybe an extreme example, but I felt that this lady had come with her own agenda. We all have our
own agenda but I need to acknowledge my own, so that I can put it to one side and focus on that of the
other. It is then that I can really listen and hear wheat is being said and form a supportive, trusting and non-judgemental relationship which can form a bridge and a channel for healing.
Pastoral care for me means meeting with another person as human beings with respect for each other,
but also knowing that when we are in relationship with God we have an extra spiritual dimension and
resource within that relationship. We can then try to truly "be there" for each other.

The contributor of this piece wishes to remain anonymous